Do you still have your period?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
