First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
