On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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