Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
