Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
