new low.... made out with someone while peeing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
