it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
