he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
