Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
