i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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