Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
