worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
