Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
