I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
