I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
