she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
