Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
