So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
