You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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