so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
