Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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