the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
