I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My vagina just recognized that song.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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