So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
