Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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