he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
