he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sext me about skeletons
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
