My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
