Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
