i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
