Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
