Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
