Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you didnt know i had herpes?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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