After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
