considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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