I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
