first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
