Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize