that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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