So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
