I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
