i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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