Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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