how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
