Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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