I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
