barbara walters just said penis...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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