I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
