I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
