What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
