Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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