Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
