He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
