I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
