She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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