I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize