I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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