He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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