is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
