Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
