Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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