Already got asked if we're dating
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
