Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
