I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
