i don't like sucking hair
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
