I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize