i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
