i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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