All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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