Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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