she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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