Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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