Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
