Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
